Featured

Just like a firework we too are colourful and have our own beauty and wonderment  but also we can be unpredictable ,   self destructive  even scary  in our nature .

Over the years, we tend to get into unhelpful thinking habits such as those described below.  We might favour some over others, and there might be some that seem far too familiar.  Once you can identify your unhelpful thinking styles, you can start to notice them – they very often occur just before and during distressing situations. Once you can notice them, then that can help you to challenge or distance yourself from those thoughts, and see the situation in a different and more helpful way. 

Mental Filter  –  When we notice only
what the filter allows or wants us to
notice, and we dismiss anything that
doesn’t ‘fit’.  Like looking through dark
blinkers or ‘gloomy specs’, or only
catching the negative stuff in our
‘kitchen strainers’ whilst anything more positive or
realistic is dismissed.    Am I only noticing the bad
stuff?  Am I filtering out the positives?  Am I wearing
those ‘gloomy specs’?  What would be more realistic?

Judgements  –  Making
evaluations or judgements about
events, ourselves, others, or the
world, rather than describing
what we actually see and have
evidence for.     I’m making an
evaluation about the situation or
person.  It’s how I make sense
of the world, but that doesn’t
mean my judgements are always right or helpful.  Is
there another perspective?

Prediction  –  Believing we know
what’s going to happen in the future.
Am I thinking that I can predict the
future?  How likely is it that that might
really happen?


Emotional Reasoning  –  I feel bad
so it must be bad!  I feel anxious, so I
must be in danger.  Just because it
feels bad, doesn’t necessary mean it
is bad.  My feelings are just a reaction
to my thoughts – and thoughts are
just automatic brain reflexes

Mind-Reading  –  Assuming we
know what others are thinking
(usually about us).  
Am I assuming I know what
others are thinking?  What’s the
evidence?  Those are my own
thoughts, not theirs.  Is there
another, more balanced way of looking at it?


Mountains and Molehills
Exaggerating the risk of
danger, or the negatives.
Minimising the odds of how
things are most likely to turn
out, or minimising positives
Am I exaggerating the bad stuff?  How would
someone else see it?  What’s the bigger picture?

Compare and despair
Seeing only the good and
positive aspects in others, and
getting upset when comparing
ourselves negatively against
them.  Am I doing that ‘compare
and despair’ thing?  What would be a more balanced
and helpful way of looking at it?

Catastrophising  –  Imagining and
believing that the worst possible thing
will happen
OK, thinking that the worst possible
thing will definitely happen isn’t really
helpful right now.  What’s most likely
to happen?

Critical self
Putting ourselves down, self-
criticism, blaming ourselves for
events or situations that are not
(totally) our responsibility
There I go, that internal bully’s at it again.  Would
most people who really know me say that about me?
Is this something that I am totally responsible for?  

Black and white thinking  –  Believing that
something or someone can be only
good or bad, right or wrong, rather
than anything in-between or ‘shades
of grey’.  Things aren’t either totally
white or totally black – there are
shades of grey.  Where is this on the 
spectrum?

Shoulds and musts  – 
Thinking or saying ‘I should’ (or
shouldn’t) and ‘I must’ puts
pressure on ourselves, and sets
up unrealistic expectations.  
Am I putting more pressure on
myself, setting up expectations
of myself that are almost
impossible?  What would be more realistic?

Memories  –  Current
situations and events can
trigger upsetting memories,
leading us to believe that the
danger is here and now, rather
than in the past, causing us
distress right now.  This is just
a reminder of the past.  That was then, and this is
now.  Even though this memory makes me feel upset,
it’s not actually happening again right now.

Rucksacks

We all have our habits some say they are what separate us from the herd .

But when a habit dominates it becomes a crutch , curtailing our  spontaneity .  It grows by unnoticed degree, until it  can hold us captive .

It seems that we all carry our own rucksacks on life’s journey.  In our rucksack
we carry our life’s experiences and expectations, and these influence the way
we are, what we do, and what we make of our life and how we go about it. 
Our rucksack – and what we carry in it – affects the way we think, feel and act: 
towards ourselves, towards others, and towards life in general. 
If we think about our problems as “rucksacks”, we can take the problem/s outside of us,
which makes it easier to change things in a positive way.  Before we can make those
helpful changes, we need to understand more about our personal rucksack, and how it
affects us.

Understanding our Rucksack
What’s in your rucksack that’s affecting your ability to cope with daily life?
Past experiences – memories, thoughts, images, ruminating  about the past
Current concerns – life circumstances, worries.
What’s keeping your problems going now?
Future – anxiety about what might happen and your ability to cope
Your core beliefs about yourself, others and the world as a result of past
experiences, current circumstances and anxiety about the future
If you could picture a rucksack, how big would it be?  
As you bring up a picture of that rucksack now, what colour is it?  
How heavy is it?  
How do you carry it?  
Using one strap over one shoulder, 2 straps, strap around the abdomen, wheels,
handle
How is it fastened?  How tightly?  How secure is it?  Does it have a zip, velcro, buttons,
straps, padlock etc?
What would cause it to come undone and open up?
What would happen to you then?
What would that look like?  What would others see (about you) when that happens?
Are there pockets on the outside that you keep things in?  What’s in there?  Is there
anything else attached to it?
Consider drawing the rucksack

What does it feel like when you’re carrying the rucksack?  
What do you feel in your body?  
What goes through your mind?  
What does it mean or say about you (that you’re carrying this rucksack)?
How does carrying the rucksack affect you?  (in different situations, generally)
Thoughts
* What goes through your mind?
* What images or memories come up?
* What thoughts keep coming up?
* What does that say about you, or mean?
Feelings
*What emotions do you often experience?  Depression, Anxiety, Anger etc
Physical sensations
* What do you often feel in your body? 
Tiredness, headache, heart racing or pounding,
breathing changes, shaking, dizzy, light-headed, tense
muscles, hot, sweaty, can’t concentrate, poor memory,
restless etc
Behaviours
*What do you do that helps you cope or feel better?
* What do you do that keeps your problem going?
* What do you do that makes you feel bad?
What do other people see (when you’re carrying your rucksack)?  What would they notice
about you?  
What do think they notice about you?
What might they see you doing?
What would they think that you were feeling or thinking?
What would make them think that about you?
Is there only one rucksack or do you have different ones?  What do they look like (etc)? 
When do you use them?   What’s in them…..etc? 
What else is there about the rucksack, or about you when you’re carrying the rucksack?
Exceptions
Are there times when you don’t carry the rucksack, or when it feels lighter, or is different
in any way?  Describe those times..
Are there times when it feels bigger, heavier etc?
Are there times when you carry or fasten it differently?
Are there times when you take it off, even if only for a short time?  
At these times, how are things different?
Thoughts
* What goes through your mind at those times?
* What thoughts come up?
* Do you notice any images or memories?
Emotions
* What do you feel emotionally at those times?
Physical Sensations
*What do you feel in your body?  Where do you feel it?
Behaviours
* What do you do differently at those times?
* What would other people see you doing?
Can you think of a time when you felt much better?  What happened to your rucksack at
that time?



Coping
Are there things in your rucksack that help you cope with your difficulties?  What are
they?  
What is it about your rucksack that keeps you going or stops you
getting worse?
Are these coping strategies helping you in the long term?
What would be the first thing you would change about the way you
cope?
What would you do more of or start doing?
What would you do less of or stop doing?

Changing the Rucksack
Could you carry a different rucksack, or could you make changes to the one you have?
What would your new rucksack be like?  What colour would you like it to be?   How big
would it be?  How does it fasten?  How do you wear it?  How heavy would it be?  What
would be in it?  What would you carry?
What would be most helpful for you to carry with you?
How would you feel different if you were able to take off the rucksack?
Would you start by lightening the rucksack in some way?  How?
If you took the rucksack off, what would be the first thing you’d notice?  And then what? 
What would others notice if you weren’t wearing your rucksack? 
What would need to happen before you could take the rucksack off or
lighten the load?


Discarding the Rucksack
When could you start taking it off?  Where could you leave it?  How long for?  
Can you imagine taking and leaving the rucksack off for a period of time?  
Can you imagine discarding the rucksack completely and not needing it any more?   How
would things be different if you didn’t have your rucksack?  
What thoughts would go through your mind at that time?
What would that feel like?  (emotionally and in your body)
What would it look like?  What would you do differently?
Can you imagine waking up one morning and finding that your rucksack had gone, and no
longer having to lug it around with you.  
What would be the first thing you would notice that was different?  
What would be the next thing?  
What else?
What would others notice about you?  
What would be the first thing they’d notice or comment on?  
What then?

Moving on
Now that we know more about your rucksack, and how you’d like things to
be when you discard your rucksack, make an action plan to start bringing
these things about:

What do I need to stop doing?

What do I need to do less of?

What do I need to start doing?

What do I need to do more of?

How can I think differently?
Notice and remind myself about the rucksack and how it affects the way I think,
feel and act, and how it’s keeping me feeling bad
Remember the new rucksack or being without the rucksack, and how I
would think and feel differently
Remind myself what I would be doing differently without a rucksack, or
with a new rucksack
Imagine myself without the rucksack, doing, thinking and feeling
differently  (at least three times daily)
Tell myself I have discarded the rucksack, and I can be the new me

What a difference a year makes .

Rosa physically  fully grown at a year old, familiar with her surroundings ,intuitive , playful and curious; yet still dependent on us for her survival.

Her strategies for life still being formulated and considered as she monitors her surroundings and decides on her best survival strategy.

Play is  a big part of her day , learning how to relate to others ,  to know when to submit  when to re-treat and when to  stand up to others .  Responding to commands that she has realised mean a treat is forthcoming or that incites her to  stop what she is doing  as  to continue may have a consequence that is less than pleasing .

I am reminded of TA ( Transactional Analysis) PAC model and the child ego state :

Our Child ego state can be compliant and well-mannered or
rebellious and badly behaved.  In TA terms both of these would be
classed as “Adapted Child” (AC) as in both situations we are adapting
to the environment around us, either positively or negatively.  The
other way the Child ego state functions in is called “Free
Child”(FC).  The Free Child likes to run barefoot on a sun drenched
beach, play and laugh with those nearby, cry when sad, shout when
angry.  The free Child is not restricted by what others think.


There are entire books written about ego states, various models and
theories about how they work or even if they exist at all so if it is a
subject you are interested in .   TA today by Stuart and Joines  would be a good place to start.

NEW YEAR seems to challenge people to reflect on what is and  consider what they want for their future and what changes they want to make to promote happiness and well-being.

What resources do you need ?  What resources do you have available to you?

We tend to focus only on our weaknesses, but we all have enormous reserves of resources,
often only used at certain times, for example in one situation such
as work, or at times of family crises.  But if you have those
strengths and resources at those times, then you have them
available to you at any time – you just need to remind yourself
that those resources are there in order to access them.

It has been said that happiness equals reality divided by
expectations.  If our reality is lower than how we expect life to
be, then we’re likely to feel unhappy or discontent.



This formula therefore suggests that our reality needs to be
equally balanced with our expectations.  The more we can
get them in balance, then the happier, more content,
accepting or peaceful, we are likely to be. 

Therefore, in order to make positive change, we can choose
to improve our reality, and/or lower our expectations.

Winter is here

W arm to cold

I ce and frost hanging on trees were once there were leaves

N umbingly cold footsteps in the snow

T ime to hibernate before new growth

E xciting changes a new year to come

R eady for new beginnings

JDP